IK celebrates eid today in Londres, whilst us Malaysians have another day of ramadhan to observe.
He is well chuffed; he finds sahur a bit 'challenging'.
Over here, mumsy has started the big feast cook out whilst tidying up the house, where possible; well, with 3 kids and 8 adults, the possibility to cover everything is almost impossible. All this further reinstates my *cough* one-child-only policy *cough*.
Have a smashing hari raya, safe and happy travels everybody!
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Sunday, 28 September 2008
Birthday Wishes For Far Away Birthday Boy
Happy Birthday Dad-to-be!
Don't worry, bubba has not come out, we're waiting for you to get back here pronto.
Hope you're enjoying the quiet Sunday, buy yourself a cake and a nice buka puasa meal ok.
Wish we were all there celebrating your 34th with you.
All our love,
~ Furballs, Bubba,Wharfer ~
Don't worry, bubba has not come out, we're waiting for you to get back here pronto.
Hope you're enjoying the quiet Sunday, buy yourself a cake and a nice buka puasa meal ok.
Wish we were all there celebrating your 34th with you.
All our love,
~ Furballs, Bubba,Wharfer ~
Saturday, 27 September 2008
Why
Why is it that the people who you love most/love you most, the ones you pour your heart to, the ones who (supposedly) knows you inside out, are exactly the ones who simply can't seem to understand and just be there for you in times of need?
Why?
Why?
Friday, 26 September 2008
Thursday, 25 September 2008
Survival of the Fittest
Only half of Day 1 and mumsy turned a shade of pale, about to pengsan.
Cleo didn't come out from under the bed until 8 ish but got spooked and ran helter skelter, jumped out of window, hid under the longkang.
New maid arrived, totally inexperienced hence requiring training from mumsy. Doubling, no quadrupling her daily tasks, over and above guest-related tasks.
Unlike Cleo, Winnie is less sensitive/edgy to strangers. She was abit apprehensive and remained mostly in my room for most of the day but ate well nevertheless.
Got into an argument with dad; I just don't get him behaving over the top over the 'guests'. Truly unacceptable. He just winds me up big-time.
What will happen in the next 20 days I wonder.
Cleo didn't come out from under the bed until 8 ish but got spooked and ran helter skelter, jumped out of window, hid under the longkang.
New maid arrived, totally inexperienced hence requiring training from mumsy. Doubling, no quadrupling her daily tasks, over and above guest-related tasks.
Unlike Cleo, Winnie is less sensitive/edgy to strangers. She was abit apprehensive and remained mostly in my room for most of the day but ate well nevertheless.
Got into an argument with dad; I just don't get him behaving over the top over the 'guests'. Truly unacceptable. He just winds me up big-time.
What will happen in the next 20 days I wonder.
Hari Raya
In less than 5 days, we will be celebating Eid.
This year the celebration will be extremely different.
One, I did not observe ramdhan per advice by GP and to be honest even if he said it was ok to, I would struggle quite abit to curb/manage my hunger. Hence the lack in (or of?) festive mood.
Two, everyone will be home. My sister and family arrive this afternoon from Melbourne; they will spend three weeks here. On Monday, my brother and family fly in from Bali for two weeks. Coincidently I am back as well to pop during this festive occassion.
I have mixed feelings about this whole idea.
On the one hand.
The house will be packed to the brim; am not sure I like that - chaos chaos chaos all around. I actually prefer the 'peace and serenity' of being on my own with mum, dad + cats. The poor kitties, I foresee them suffering the most. Plus mumsy who will be slaving away in the kitchen daily for everyone.
We have not spent raya together as a complete family for the last 6/7 years or maybe more, what with everyone scattered everywhere, and to coordinate holidays at the same time was just not possible due to different work schedules. This will be a first in a long while. Having said that IK will not be around on the 1st and 2nd day anyways so it will still not be totally 100% attendees!
This year there are many changes in the way I celebrate Eid; in the last three years I was at my desk on the first, second, third, so on and so forth day of Eid. It was not too bad as I think I have outgrown that 'raya/festive' feeling. I merely missed mumsy's food spread.
On the other hand.
This year I will be having all my siblings around, with three toddlers screaming and running about (meriah, some crazy people call it?), mumsy's rendang/kuah kacang/nasi impit/raya cookies to savour, and I even got myself a baju raya to complete the whole Eid shebang.
Sounds like all the essential ingredients are there for a celebration, no?
This year the celebration will be extremely different.
One, I did not observe ramdhan per advice by GP and to be honest even if he said it was ok to, I would struggle quite abit to curb/manage my hunger. Hence the lack in (or of?) festive mood.
Two, everyone will be home. My sister and family arrive this afternoon from Melbourne; they will spend three weeks here. On Monday, my brother and family fly in from Bali for two weeks. Coincidently I am back as well to pop during this festive occassion.
I have mixed feelings about this whole idea.
On the one hand.
The house will be packed to the brim; am not sure I like that - chaos chaos chaos all around. I actually prefer the 'peace and serenity' of being on my own with mum, dad + cats. The poor kitties, I foresee them suffering the most. Plus mumsy who will be slaving away in the kitchen daily for everyone.
We have not spent raya together as a complete family for the last 6/7 years or maybe more, what with everyone scattered everywhere, and to coordinate holidays at the same time was just not possible due to different work schedules. This will be a first in a long while. Having said that IK will not be around on the 1st and 2nd day anyways so it will still not be totally 100% attendees!
This year there are many changes in the way I celebrate Eid; in the last three years I was at my desk on the first, second, third, so on and so forth day of Eid. It was not too bad as I think I have outgrown that 'raya/festive' feeling. I merely missed mumsy's food spread.
On the other hand.
This year I will be having all my siblings around, with three toddlers screaming and running about (meriah, some crazy people call it?), mumsy's rendang/kuah kacang/nasi impit/raya cookies to savour, and I even got myself a baju raya to complete the whole Eid shebang.
Sounds like all the essential ingredients are there for a celebration, no?
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
When Will They Tow The Line
Poison in children's clothing is emerging as the latest health risk from China -- scientists found formaldehyde in woollen and cotton clothes at levels 500 times higher than is safe.
First it was the melamine found in the baby formula, next I watched on Londres telly about chemicals found in leather sofas made in this very country causing severe allergic reactions to those seated on their sofas.
And now this.
I am very troubled by this piece of news as I recall most toys I bought from ELC for Bubba is made in China. I know this because I specifically checked the label for the 'Made In' information. I am not prejudiced, however, looking at their track record, I am very wary of all products coming out of their country.
Last night I went through Bubba's clothes, blankets, mittens, socks, etc. My findings are:
First it was the melamine found in the baby formula, next I watched on Londres telly about chemicals found in leather sofas made in this very country causing severe allergic reactions to those seated on their sofas.
And now this.
I am very troubled by this piece of news as I recall most toys I bought from ELC for Bubba is made in China. I know this because I specifically checked the label for the 'Made In' information. I am not prejudiced, however, looking at their track record, I am very wary of all products coming out of their country.
Last night I went through Bubba's clothes, blankets, mittens, socks, etc. My findings are:
- Mothercare and Marks & Spencer's products - mostly (almost all) made in India.
- Gap - Everything is made in China, except one piece of onesies that is made in Turkey.
This morning I washed all her stuff and they are now hanging out to dry. I can only hope the excess chemicals have been completely washed out.
Finally, the one question that's on my mind - should I bin her toys as there is no information made available on the materials used to produce the toys and she could be biting into some chemically-laden soft toys/ball/cloth-books/rattles and subsequently make herself ill in the long run?Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Too Pampered
Life has been easy. I don't do much apart from rest rest eat eat rest rest some more.
In London, I would have at least to do some cooking in the evenings, a bit of mundane chores and sometimes I'd have to go to the shops to get grocery or do last minute shopping which requires a walk to the mall or a ride on the tube (not licenced and not confident enough to drive out in Londres).
Here, everything is made simpler - I don't cook, mumsy does, I take the car if I need to go anywhere and everywhere (no such thing as walking), I don't need to shop anymore for baby and I don't even clean.
Hence the growth in bump size. Today I looked at it and thought wow, she is getting big. Dr G expects bubs to be between 2.8 - 3 kg when he last saw me on the 15th. I am not so sure he will think the same in the next visit. Maybe I should do more around the house and eat less - after all if bubs gets too chubby, I will be in BIG trouble.
She is due exactly a month tomorrow and as the date draws nearer, I am increasingly worried and wonder whether I am truly prepared for this new phase in my life? But it isn't like I have any choice anyways, I will just BE.
Well at the very least mumsy is around if I do indeed breakdown.
***
Have not put up funsters pics for the longest time. Both are doing well, cute as ever, and they are being the biggest sweethearts keeping me company while IK is away!
In London, I would have at least to do some cooking in the evenings, a bit of mundane chores and sometimes I'd have to go to the shops to get grocery or do last minute shopping which requires a walk to the mall or a ride on the tube (not licenced and not confident enough to drive out in Londres).
Here, everything is made simpler - I don't cook, mumsy does, I take the car if I need to go anywhere and everywhere (no such thing as walking), I don't need to shop anymore for baby and I don't even clean.
Hence the growth in bump size. Today I looked at it and thought wow, she is getting big. Dr G expects bubs to be between 2.8 - 3 kg when he last saw me on the 15th. I am not so sure he will think the same in the next visit. Maybe I should do more around the house and eat less - after all if bubs gets too chubby, I will be in BIG trouble.
She is due exactly a month tomorrow and as the date draws nearer, I am increasingly worried and wonder whether I am truly prepared for this new phase in my life? But it isn't like I have any choice anyways, I will just BE.
Well at the very least mumsy is around if I do indeed breakdown.
***
Have not put up funsters pics for the longest time. Both are doing well, cute as ever, and they are being the biggest sweethearts keeping me company while IK is away!
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Saturday, 20 September 2008
Silly Father
IK leaves for Londres tomorrow morning, but he will be back on the 2nd of October to work out of the KL office, with the hopes of being around when I go into labour.
I have just frightened him with a piece of news I heard - a friend, both times, delivered at week 36 (I am currently 35 weeks pregnant). He wants bubba to 'wait' until he is back, that would be at least week 36.5-37, before deciding to come out. How silly is her father. If she is anything like her mother, she'll definitely have a mind of her own and would certainly not like to be told when to do what.
But in my condition, I will miss this silly father for a week and half; who will give me back rubs and ensures I get a comfy sleep position now?
He on the other hand will have to go through the rest of the ramadhan and day one of eid all by himself.
I can safely say that both will definitely be counting down to 2nd October earnestly.
I have just frightened him with a piece of news I heard - a friend, both times, delivered at week 36 (I am currently 35 weeks pregnant). He wants bubba to 'wait' until he is back, that would be at least week 36.5-37, before deciding to come out. How silly is her father. If she is anything like her mother, she'll definitely have a mind of her own and would certainly not like to be told when to do what.
But in my condition, I will miss this silly father for a week and half; who will give me back rubs and ensures I get a comfy sleep position now?
He on the other hand will have to go through the rest of the ramadhan and day one of eid all by himself.
I can safely say that both will definitely be counting down to 2nd October earnestly.
Thursday, 18 September 2008
Meltdown
Lehman Brothers - BK, BoA bought over Merrill Lynch, AIG in trouble, Morgan Stanley is looking to merge, Llyods buying HBOS.
I am wondering whether my employer, an american bank, will be affected too by this credit crisis.
Tell me o crystal ball, should I start worrying about not having a jobbie soon?
Gulp.
I am wondering whether my employer, an american bank, will be affected too by this credit crisis.
Tell me o crystal ball, should I start worrying about not having a jobbie soon?
Gulp.
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
That Day Has Come
As promised I am home now. With Winnie and Cleo.
......I absolutely adore and miss my Winnie (and Cleo) dearly. Currently far, far away from her (them) and counting the days when we shall be together again.
Friday, 12 September 2008
--- No Longer Applicable ---
Weather: Gloomy, cloudy, 14 degrees (@ 10:00)
Mood: Glum-de-dum
Repeat on iTunes: Will Young's Leave Right Now *sobs*
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What a sad sad day it is for me today.
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Mood: Glum-de-dum
Repeat on iTunes: Will Young's Leave Right Now *sobs*
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What a sad sad day it is for me today.
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Thursday, 11 September 2008
Need To Get Cracking
Have had my days full since the weekend. And how they tire me out. I am totally exhausted by the end of each day, I need a rub to soothe my aching back and sleep has been elusive of-late. Yesterday I was feeling really really poorly. I hope to feel better before my long flight home.
Packing, ante natal classes, shopping, cooking and (very tiny teeny bits of) domestic chores -- these have kept me busy since Saturday.
Latest discoveries:
Packing, ante natal classes, shopping, cooking and (very tiny teeny bits of) domestic chores -- these have kept me busy since Saturday.
Latest discoveries:
- Ante natal classes at the hospy were really good for me. I attended one for childbirth and another for breastfeeding. I am glad I had the opportunity to attend these classes despite some pooh-poohing the idea. I was totally enlightened and I hope it all goes well for me now that I am better informed.
- Disposable diapers are expensive. Yesterday we bought our first pack for newborns for my hospy bag. It was a pack of 54 and cost almost £7. I was told babies use an average of 8 a day? I did the Maths and figured I would spend a whopping £35 a month just on diapers? Yikes. That is a lot of money to throw away but I would be doing my head in if I opted for cloth napkins, so for now let's just put this as a sunk cost. Hopefully if nursing goes well, I will save on formula.
Re packing -- (so far) there will be three huge suitcases, a box for the stroller and two handluggages.
- Bubba's stuff took up about 1 and 1/3 of a suitcase.
- 1/3 is IK's stuff.
- My pregnancy clothes plus some pre-pregnancy clothes, shoes, handbags, toilettries, other bits and pieces will take up the rest of the space.
Friday, 5 September 2008
B I G T R A N S I T I O N
Warning -- Long post ahead and some may find parts of it offensive/unacceptable -- but they are my opinion, my life and this is, my blog after all.
The ticker says I am 33 weeks today and I have 49 days to go. That's about 7 weeks before I pop unless she decides to come into this world sooner. I read that chances of bubs arriving on due date is as slim as 5%. I am not sure what exactly she has in store for me, we shall wait and see.
As the due date draws closer I am beginning to feel all sorts of emotions, regrettably more negative than +. I try to block them out and live the moment as advised, enjoy this journey as everyone tells me that (a) they enjoyed being pregnant and (b) I should cherish this wonderful experience, but currently I have been feeling out of sorts. It may also be that this is just me having too much time on my hands and not having work as my constant distraction per normal working days. As they say, an idle mind breeds evil thoughts.
Anyhow, I made a (personal) conscious decision to have only one child, despite protests from concerned/caring friends and warnings that my only daugther will grow up selfish, spoilt, dysfunctional, etc. For the records, my mum, an only child, turned out extremely well (no I am not biased) so I ain't too worried, I'll get bubba a cat as a step-sibling!
So seeing that I will only go through this once, it is all the more reason I should capture all the happy moments; bubba's first kick, first heartbeat, first ultrasound scan where I got to see her, the day I found out bubba is a girl, the extra attention I get from waiters at restos, the pampering from my loved ones, etc, as I will not be experiencing this again.
Anyways back to my controversial and unacceptable decision (in my society) to have only one child. I made this decision partly because I never wanted to have one in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, especially toddlers - I have a niece and nephews - but they are not mine, that's the difference. When they cry or get cranky, I can always cop out by giving them back to their parents to sort them out. I don't have to deal with the issues/problems, I merely take on board the fun part.
To be perfectly blunt, I am plain selfish and hate the responsibility that comes with being a parent. It is an appalling trait but do cut me some slack for being honest.
Another reason is that I certainly don't think I am strong enough to go through another pregnancy where I have no control over anything; not my body, not my sleep, not my eating, nothing at all. I have always been able to do everything myself, but now I am made to feel so useless and helpless over my life, even trawling the mall wears me out in no time. At this point, basically any activity just wears me out.
It irks me so much that I cannot bend easily to pick things up, I cannot carry heavy objects, I have no control over my bladder, I need assistance to get up from my lying down/seated positions sometimes and let's not even get into the sore backs, discomforts and the morning sickness episodes.
I don't think bringing up another soul into this world is easy at all or even fair. It is a cruel cruel world and I do not want to inflict the pain that I currently see going on, to my offsprings.
Other reasons are - children are expensive I may as well indulge the best of everything in one (yes I fear I may spoil her), I could not cope with more than one screaming child, I am not mommy material and I really am clueless about bringing up a child.
So back to my gripes.
Firstly, adjusting to staying at home and not going in to work has caused me some mild distressed, if you can call it that. I don't exactly love my work but I definitely find the no-routine days I have had for the past week rather unpleasant. I constantly am consumed with guilt and feel pressured (self-inflicted by my own conscience) to always be cooking and cleaning. Simply because I no longer have work to use as an excuse to delay or to cop out of doing domestic chores.
This new life I lead sounds abit like this - I surf the net hours on end, decide what to cook, cook, iron (it just does not end this), surf the net some more. I have not even included vacuuming, sweeping and mopping in the equation. The three occassions I was out of the house were for a dental apointment, a shopping trip last Wednesday and lunch with colleague today. Apart from that I rotted away at home.
It is sheer boredom I tell you. I do not like watching movies. I do not sew/knit. I would like to go about snapping some photos but weather has been wet and cold and in my 'grande' (size, not mood) condition, I tire easily after long walks.
But.
I have been warned to turn this boredom around to fun acitivites to do whatever I want to do; like catch up on my reading, to enjoy lie-ins (but sleeping is not so comfy anymore), to go shopping etc because once bub arrives, these luxuries will cease to exist. There will no longer be idle time for me to even spell the word 'b-o-r-e-d'. Only problem is to do those activities I would so much like to, like photography, requires alot of enery on my part. Energy which seem to have slowly dissipated recently.
Secondly, the bump has been getting in the way and I am finding it difficult to find a comfortable position, apart from standing up and walking. Bubba also seems to not like it when I lie down flat or on my side. It feels like she is trying to tell me 'please don't squash me mommy' and she reacts in some sort of funny dance, jiggles, movements that make me wonder if she is distressed. Although gynae/midwife assures that it is always good, rather than bad, sign that bubba moves. She used to merely kick or punch me, now I see wave-like movements on my tummy which I find rather scarry and me being me, I don't like feeling any pain from her jabbing so I get quite upset over it. I can be quite a silly cow.
Speaking of sleep, this can sometimes be quite a challenge but I have been having a good past few nights with one million pillows to support/cushion me. So thank god for that. But I do terribly miss sleeping on my sides comfortably, sans bubba's perceived 'protests' and backaches.
Thirdly, I will be flying out next week to have bubs at home but don't feel quite ready to move to hot humid Malaysia in my condition. When I was home a couple of weeks ago, I had a taste of being preggers in a hot hot country and I can assure you, it was most uncomfortable. I was big and sweaty, rashes appeared at some parts of body and I itched alot. I know I have lived there all my life, but being preggers magnified my discomforts. I honestly am not that fussy about the heat back home.
I am a little sad because I don't know if after 12 months, I will return to London again. It depends on IK's work and if things don't work out in Malaysia under the current (sad) state of affairs the country is in; we may come back and I can then continue my employment here. But it may be a bit tricky with a one year old to care for by then. The alternative is ~ I settle down in KL and request for a transfer/seek other employment and if this is indeed the outcome, these will be my final few days left in London. Boo hoo hoo.
With the upcoming trip to deliver bubs back home, I planned to have my last beach holiday before Mr Stork arrives. I love Berjaya Redang and wanted to have a short break - swimming, snorkelling, island hopping, lazing away with good food et al - but realised that it would be not feasible as this is the fasting month. I had to abandon holiday idea. So there goes my holiday for the next couple of years. I am such a pessimist, I apologise for making this sound like having a baby marks the end of my life. I must change my mindset to this -- Going forward, I will have more fun holidays as a family.
Finally I am starting to worry alot about childbirth. The pain, the long labours, the birthplans that did not go as planned (emergency C-sect vs. normal), the pain, the pain and the pain. I have decided on normal birth plus epidural as I don't think I can be in control of my body when the contractions set in. There are all these conditions/right methods of giving birth - the right time to push, as well as a time when not to push even if you feel the urge to (in order to aviod tearing ow ow ow), episiotomy or when long labour exhausts all your energy reserve but you really need to push bubs out else she suffocates. Far too many things to worry about, it is nerve wrecking. Hence the need for drugs. It is just too much for me to focus on once I am in pain. OK OK now I am really stressed. Let's stop at that.
So now that I have aired out my gripes and I have whined a bucket-load, I feel so so bad because I do want to have a healthy and happy bubba and meet her soon, just that I wish the nine months journey was a little less challenging and a little more 'walk-in-the-park' for a (whiny self absorbed brat) person like me.
I must must must start adjusting my mindset that all this change is good for me and having a bubba will improve my life in the most beneficial way ever. I will love someone unconditionally and vice versa, have a special bond with her like no other and become a better, less selfish person that I am now. Maybe all these 'words' amount to nothing much but once I have her in my arms, these feelings of pure unconditional love will descend upon me, and all those discomforts, pain, worries will seem a distant memory.
I pray everything will work out for the best, God-willing.
The ticker says I am 33 weeks today and I have 49 days to go. That's about 7 weeks before I pop unless she decides to come into this world sooner. I read that chances of bubs arriving on due date is as slim as 5%. I am not sure what exactly she has in store for me, we shall wait and see.
As the due date draws closer I am beginning to feel all sorts of emotions, regrettably more negative than +. I try to block them out and live the moment as advised, enjoy this journey as everyone tells me that (a) they enjoyed being pregnant and (b) I should cherish this wonderful experience, but currently I have been feeling out of sorts. It may also be that this is just me having too much time on my hands and not having work as my constant distraction per normal working days. As they say, an idle mind breeds evil thoughts.
Anyhow, I made a (personal) conscious decision to have only one child, despite protests from concerned/caring friends and warnings that my only daugther will grow up selfish, spoilt, dysfunctional, etc. For the records, my mum, an only child, turned out extremely well (no I am not biased) so I ain't too worried, I'll get bubba a cat as a step-sibling!
So seeing that I will only go through this once, it is all the more reason I should capture all the happy moments; bubba's first kick, first heartbeat, first ultrasound scan where I got to see her, the day I found out bubba is a girl, the extra attention I get from waiters at restos, the pampering from my loved ones, etc, as I will not be experiencing this again.
Anyways back to my controversial and unacceptable decision (in my society) to have only one child. I made this decision partly because I never wanted to have one in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, especially toddlers - I have a niece and nephews - but they are not mine, that's the difference. When they cry or get cranky, I can always cop out by giving them back to their parents to sort them out. I don't have to deal with the issues/problems, I merely take on board the fun part.
To be perfectly blunt, I am plain selfish and hate the responsibility that comes with being a parent. It is an appalling trait but do cut me some slack for being honest.
Another reason is that I certainly don't think I am strong enough to go through another pregnancy where I have no control over anything; not my body, not my sleep, not my eating, nothing at all. I have always been able to do everything myself, but now I am made to feel so useless and helpless over my life, even trawling the mall wears me out in no time. At this point, basically any activity just wears me out.
It irks me so much that I cannot bend easily to pick things up, I cannot carry heavy objects, I have no control over my bladder, I need assistance to get up from my lying down/seated positions sometimes and let's not even get into the sore backs, discomforts and the morning sickness episodes.
I don't think bringing up another soul into this world is easy at all or even fair. It is a cruel cruel world and I do not want to inflict the pain that I currently see going on, to my offsprings.
Other reasons are - children are expensive I may as well indulge the best of everything in one (yes I fear I may spoil her), I could not cope with more than one screaming child, I am not mommy material and I really am clueless about bringing up a child.
So back to my gripes.
Firstly, adjusting to staying at home and not going in to work has caused me some mild distressed, if you can call it that. I don't exactly love my work but I definitely find the no-routine days I have had for the past week rather unpleasant. I constantly am consumed with guilt and feel pressured (self-inflicted by my own conscience) to always be cooking and cleaning. Simply because I no longer have work to use as an excuse to delay or to cop out of doing domestic chores.
This new life I lead sounds abit like this - I surf the net hours on end, decide what to cook, cook, iron (it just does not end this), surf the net some more. I have not even included vacuuming, sweeping and mopping in the equation. The three occassions I was out of the house were for a dental apointment, a shopping trip last Wednesday and lunch with colleague today. Apart from that I rotted away at home.
It is sheer boredom I tell you. I do not like watching movies. I do not sew/knit. I would like to go about snapping some photos but weather has been wet and cold and in my 'grande' (size, not mood) condition, I tire easily after long walks.
But.
I have been warned to turn this boredom around to fun acitivites to do whatever I want to do; like catch up on my reading, to enjoy lie-ins (but sleeping is not so comfy anymore), to go shopping etc because once bub arrives, these luxuries will cease to exist. There will no longer be idle time for me to even spell the word 'b-o-r-e-d'. Only problem is to do those activities I would so much like to, like photography, requires alot of enery on my part. Energy which seem to have slowly dissipated recently.
Secondly, the bump has been getting in the way and I am finding it difficult to find a comfortable position, apart from standing up and walking. Bubba also seems to not like it when I lie down flat or on my side. It feels like she is trying to tell me 'please don't squash me mommy' and she reacts in some sort of funny dance, jiggles, movements that make me wonder if she is distressed. Although gynae/midwife assures that it is always good, rather than bad, sign that bubba moves. She used to merely kick or punch me, now I see wave-like movements on my tummy which I find rather scarry and me being me, I don't like feeling any pain from her jabbing so I get quite upset over it. I can be quite a silly cow.
Speaking of sleep, this can sometimes be quite a challenge but I have been having a good past few nights with one million pillows to support/cushion me. So thank god for that. But I do terribly miss sleeping on my sides comfortably, sans bubba's perceived 'protests' and backaches.
Thirdly, I will be flying out next week to have bubs at home but don't feel quite ready to move to hot humid Malaysia in my condition. When I was home a couple of weeks ago, I had a taste of being preggers in a hot hot country and I can assure you, it was most uncomfortable. I was big and sweaty, rashes appeared at some parts of body and I itched alot. I know I have lived there all my life, but being preggers magnified my discomforts. I honestly am not that fussy about the heat back home.
I am a little sad because I don't know if after 12 months, I will return to London again. It depends on IK's work and if things don't work out in Malaysia under the current (sad) state of affairs the country is in; we may come back and I can then continue my employment here. But it may be a bit tricky with a one year old to care for by then. The alternative is ~ I settle down in KL and request for a transfer/seek other employment and if this is indeed the outcome, these will be my final few days left in London. Boo hoo hoo.
With the upcoming trip to deliver bubs back home, I planned to have my last beach holiday before Mr Stork arrives. I love Berjaya Redang and wanted to have a short break - swimming, snorkelling, island hopping, lazing away with good food et al - but realised that it would be not feasible as this is the fasting month. I had to abandon holiday idea. So there goes my holiday for the next couple of years. I am such a pessimist, I apologise for making this sound like having a baby marks the end of my life. I must change my mindset to this -- Going forward, I will have more fun holidays as a family.
Finally I am starting to worry alot about childbirth. The pain, the long labours, the birthplans that did not go as planned (emergency C-sect vs. normal), the pain, the pain and the pain. I have decided on normal birth plus epidural as I don't think I can be in control of my body when the contractions set in. There are all these conditions/right methods of giving birth - the right time to push, as well as a time when not to push even if you feel the urge to (in order to aviod tearing ow ow ow), episiotomy or when long labour exhausts all your energy reserve but you really need to push bubs out else she suffocates. Far too many things to worry about, it is nerve wrecking. Hence the need for drugs. It is just too much for me to focus on once I am in pain. OK OK now I am really stressed. Let's stop at that.
So now that I have aired out my gripes and I have whined a bucket-load, I feel so so bad because I do want to have a healthy and happy bubba and meet her soon, just that I wish the nine months journey was a little less challenging and a little more 'walk-in-the-park' for a (whiny self absorbed brat) person like me.
I must must must start adjusting my mindset that all this change is good for me and having a bubba will improve my life in the most beneficial way ever. I will love someone unconditionally and vice versa, have a special bond with her like no other and become a better, less selfish person that I am now. Maybe all these 'words' amount to nothing much but once I have her in my arms, these feelings of pure unconditional love will descend upon me, and all those discomforts, pain, worries will seem a distant memory.
I pray everything will work out for the best, God-willing.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
The Cutesy Cleo
Winnie and Cleo had a big showdown last I was home; territorial little gurls indeed.
They have lived together under the same roof for the past 6 years and yet they still don't get on well. Is there a potion I can get to make them the bestest of friends?
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
I Need A Routine!
Could not take being at home from sunrise to sunset doing nothing apart from surfing net/chores, so with my trusty iPod as faithful companion, I headed to Oxford Street for a spot of shopping as early as 10 a.m.
Why can't I seem to adjust to this no-routine life, hopefully when bubs arrives I'll be thanking my lucky stars for this ML.
Pit stops made were at:
Got home almost four, propped my feet up for a good two hours and by six I started preparing dinner for buka puasa.
What a long day. Tomorrow morning I need to stay in to recover before my dentist appointment in the arvo!
Why can't I seem to adjust to this no-routine life, hopefully when bubs arrives I'll be thanking my lucky stars for this ML.
Pit stops made were at:
- Fenwick (to look for some shoes for AH)
- Mamas and Papas (looked for cot mobile, bouncers, but ended up spending on a decorative item for nursery and a toy)
- Mothercare (for my lift me up leg+foot spray)
- Marks and Sparks (in search of rose potpurri oil and ring for mumsy, white linen shirt for KS)
- Gap Maternity (got me some bargains!)
- HMV (Spinners CD)
Got home almost four, propped my feet up for a good two hours and by six I started preparing dinner for buka puasa.
What a long day. Tomorrow morning I need to stay in to recover before my dentist appointment in the arvo!
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
New Pet
We have been feeding some pigeons and some little sparrows in our backyard. Last week we found a new visitor feeding on the (bird) seeds too, have a look.
She is quite a clever little one as she would turnover the little container of bird seeds (and even managed to break one in the process!), make a big mess on the ground to get exactly what she wants. We gave her some nuts and she has taken all of them too to be buried somewhere in time for the winter I am sure.
Now we rarely see the sparrows and pigeons as much as we used to, she must terrify them with her size and gung-ho-ness (I believe this is called survivor skills in the animal kingdom). Poor little birdies!
Who would have thought a squirrel can survive in canary wharf!
Monday, 1 September 2008
Twilight Delight
Last week on our way home after work, we were lucky to discover that the London Symphony Orchestra was playing at Canada Square Park, right outside my office. The open air concert was free, and was scheduled to start at 7.30pm we were told as they handed out free mats to the crowd.
It was really a good concert, LSO was fab and everyone enjoyed it tremendously plus having a little picnic outdoors was great fun too.
As night time beckons
Some daylight still
IK found a good spot at the park and was assigned to wait there as the crowd was already gathering fast and we did not want to end up too far back had both of us gone home and come back later. I, on the other hand, went home to change to something more comfy and warm. I also made the effort to pack some sandwiches, crisps, chocklits and a flask of hot milo to keep us snug while watching the orchestra play throughout the 2 hour concert.
The theme for the night was space and the music performed were from the motion picture Star Wars (Imperial March, Princess Leia's theme,Main Theme), Superman, E.T., Aliens, X-Files, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and a few more which I was not too familiar with.It was really a good concert, LSO was fab and everyone enjoyed it tremendously plus having a little picnic outdoors was great fun too.
As night time beckons
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