Mr. Stork

Well I guess the joys of motherhood have started to s l o w l y sink into me; I am starting to find this notion of having a baby fairly appealing and I’m guessing the maternal instincts have finally kicked in as I am starting to seriously consider this big responsibility of bringing up another person and simultaneously nurturing a soul, as the next step in my life. Either that or it is because a few I know are about to ‘pop’ soon and I'm feeling left out. I do hope it isn’t the latter!

So yes, I have been thinking about this for the last couple of months, mostly reading books on the pretext of knowledge-seeking but gradually being drawn to the concept of being a mummy to possibly a mini-me. More recently I have been contacting + emailing friends far and near to get tips; them sharing their experiences, advice, and me obtaining some form of reassurance that I too, am capable of handling such a huge responsibility.

This may sound cliché but all my mummy friends will say it is so worth it. And how when their bundle of joy flashes a smile, all memories of labour pains, sleepless nights and signs of fatigue-ness are almost instantaneously forgotten. Wow. Magical indeed.

Based on discussions IK and I have had over this ‘idea’, I think I have sort of decided that this may be the right time for me, God willing of course. Actually I was waiting to feel ‘ready’ for it but many have advised me that I will probably never feel ready. So I have given up on that and have resigned to the fact that since I am open to the idea now more than I have ever been in the past six years of our marriage that this must simply mean that it is the right time for me.

Truthfully, there are countless times (I can change my mind every 2/3 hours in a day) when I still I freak out thinking about it - am I really prepared? When overwhelmed, I'll think, 'nope, not in a million years' or 'maybe in a different lifetime'. Other times, I'll tell myself that I cannot control everything, I should just go with the flow.

Although having said that I still feel nervous and scare myself silly when I read the book and the gory details they provide. I’m sure the experience for each person is different but I cannot help but to worry about hair-loss, constipation, varicose veins, water retention, lower back aches, tiredness, morning sickness, memory lapse, loss of brain matter (as it is I am a scatter brain, imagine if I do get pregnant), putting on excess weight (oopsy, another blonde moment), major lifestyle change and more importantly, the baby's health. That was merely Part 1 of my worries, they unfortunately come in 3 parts.

Here’s Part 2: The childbirth itself. Gawd it is so petrifying it’s not funny. The episiotomy, the crowning, the contractions, perineal trauma, basically all the pain that is involved. Oh bl**dy hell. Remind me again why some women go through this over and over again?

Those wretched pregnancy books. This is where ignorance is truly bliss. But no I had to keep reading the gruesome + horrific details and frighten myself to death. Oh but there is hope I’ve been told. Epidural. Enough said.

For the records, I’ve changed my mindset and thrown caution, worries and fears of pain out the window – millions of women have gone through it, survived it and some even go through it twice/thrice over, so it has to be okay, right? Right?

And finally Part 3 of worries: Bringing up the child itself for the next 20 or so years of my life. Yikes. I agonise over the fact that I will not be a good mummy as I have a tendency to spoil them rotten. Clearly I need to be more logical and sensible i.e. think with my head, not my heart. Can I, will I?

I fret over the financial aspect; can we afford a child – diapers, medicine and formula, will we have enough money for his/her education, will we have enough to be able to go on nice holidays?

Then's there's the well-being - will we be able to nourish his physical, mental and spiritual needs? Will the bambino turn out alright - a good child who is thoughtful, loves me to death, is a clever one who plays the violin and graduates first class as a brain surgeon. Is that too much to ask for?

I know this is premature, but for the fun of it, names have been agreed to be either Emily (so she can buy key rings bearing her name when she goes abroad) or Iskandar (boys don’t care much for key rings) * Teeheehee *

But of course, all this can only happen if He wants it to. I hope whatever we decide, He will give us His blessings.