Reflections

Approaching the big three-0 was a little daunting if I remember correctly but IK was thoughtful + enterprising. He threw me a surprise birthday dinner with some close friends in Dome BSC.

Unfortunately his fail-proof plan was exposed during our lunch together earlier that same fateful day; he left his mobile on the table and was away when he received a text (which I automatically checked on his behalf, no I'm not nosy) from one of my girlfriends inquiring about the time of dinner that night. For a moment there I thought, ‘Eh is he having an affair with my buddy?’ Haha.

That was my 30th.

On hindsight, I embraced turning 31, 32 and 33 pretty well and was nonchalant about the whole age thing. I think I was more in control and felt good about myself, no more hung ups on the body/looks issues that I had when I was in my early/mid-twenties (yes I was quite the bimbo). Perhaps it was the also the year when we moved to London. I was 31 then. Being away, lots of travelling, adjusting to a new life, in a new environment, starting a new job, I was too occupied with sweating the big stuff, rather than the small stuff (re aging). Perhaps. Perhaps. Who knows?

That was then.

Now, with my 34th drawing closer, I am somewhat affected by this age-thing. It just feels so damn O.L.D.

I am closer to being forty and even closer to being mid-thirties. The mind is a powerful tool and I really should wipe out unpleasant thoughts as I have much to be thankful for – I have been blessed in many facets of my life thusfar. I need to focus on the bigger picture.

The one big enormous change this year for me is having a bubba. It certainly marks 2008 as a special year for me like no other.

I will soon learn (instinctively I have been told) a host of new skills that never existed in me pre-bubs. I imagine a great learning curve, especially in the character-building department. All for the better. Everything good good good I truly believe, see list below:

• Stop being selfish + self-absorbed
  
• The world does not revolve around ME
  
• Bubs is 1000 times more important
  
• Being very protective over bubs (that special mum-baby bond)
  
• Start being responsible for another being
• Be sleep-deprived; two hour cycle for nursing/feeds/diaper-change 24/7 (but all worth it when bubba smiles)
  
• Control my temper + be more patient + the need to behave appropriately as bubba is impressionable + easily influenced at early age
  
• My priorities should soon be in this order: Bubs, Winnie, FB + Blogging. Not FB + Blogging, Bubs, Winnie

Turning 34 and expecting a bubba simultaneously can’t be all that bad can it, age notwithstanding?

Five years down the road (when I am going through chronic depression on approaching 40), I am almost certain I will look back and think how wonderful it was turning 34. That it was beyond doubt the highest point in my life as I embrace mummyhood for the very first time.

34. Bring it on.